Retro – My 10 paisa

Watched and lived vicariously through Retro two days ago—and it hit me like an icebucket. But the hate this film has received made me come here and genuinely question the validity of responses to art in our society, especially in Social Media

Retro was a very interesting watch, in more ways than one. Arguably one of the most conversation-worthy films to come out this year in terms of the high concepts it tackled, the wild avenues it walked into, and the ideas it boiled down to. Not many filmmakers—frankly, only one man in the entirety of Tamil cinema right now—attempt to scratch the surface of the themes that Retro dives into. And so, I present to you this through my weird af FAQ. Spoilers (but not too much) ahead

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1. “Bro, the movie was weird.”

It’s a Karthik Subbaraj movie. The man has never stuck to a single genre even if his life depended on it. What were you expecting?

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2. “Nothing felt real. It all felt like a movie.”

It’s literally called Retro (they definitely could’ve found a better title). It was divided into chapters, almost like a hyperlink anthology, with each chapter carrying a distinct mood. There was a full-on “Senorita I Love You” song montage in the middle like an Instagram edit—that lit up the screen like a mercury bulb.

The story and its payoffs were built upon the biggest character arcs from Hindu mythology. It was designed to be dramatic. It was made for the good guy to win. It was unapologetically cinematic. We’ve consumed so much “real world cinema” lately that we forget—cinema is fiction, and it unfolds only on screen.

This was never a problem for GOAT or Good Bad Ugly which took a jab on how their own filmness. Retro just takes itself seriously… and still remains a film.

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3. “So, are you saying it’s a flawless movie?”

Absolutely not.

Like many Tamil films, it was overwritten in parts. Karthik himself falls prey to the high of a reveal or a payoff—which is always a double-edged sword. When it lands, it really lands. But when it doesn’t, it absolutely crashes.

But here’s the thing—each viewer must decide if it worked for them or not. Some random voice on social media shouldn’t be allowed to speak for all. We get so few Tamil films that are made almost like a festival film, that is open to interpretation. Even fewer star vehicles dare to do the same. Let’s not reduce that into an anomaly.

Now, some emotions in the second half didn’t land for me—especially the ones involving the “newfound family.” They just didn’t sync with the character’s arc. The course correction was good, but in the bigger picture, it felt jarring.

Santhosh Narayanan’s music was a polarising case study. Needs a whole separate analysis. But above all, the film got the marketing wrong as a love story. From the first look and tagline—Love. Laughter. War—people assumed the “war” was because of the love. Thin lines

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4. “Dei nee frog dhaane?”

I’ve trolled Suriya more than I’ve appreciated him in the past 15 years. The man’s been the superman of poor script choices. But this isn’t about Suriya. He did his job. And so did everyone else. Pooja Hegde was divine. Joju was splendid as Thanos. That cult leader, though, felt like a clown—and I still can’t figure out what that character was supposed to represent. But here’s the real point—Frogman hasn’t been in a film this good since Singam 2, and hasn’t had this level of theatrical highs since Ayan.

What truly stood out was how Retro had these epic big hero moments baked into the story itself—something Karthik has never done before with a star apart from a once in a Lifetime Petta. That’s a big win.

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5. otha apram ennada prechana

Retro, much like its actual plot actually opens up several larger, out-of-film conversations outside the film

Like it or not, we’re witnessing the slow death of cinema as we know it. Films today are often made for audiences with the attention span of a goldfish, trained by reels and shorts. The 200 rupees we pay for a ticket often give us an experience that ends the moment we reach the bike parking.

Paintings were never corrupted. Theatre was never corrupted. But cinema, a visual artform, got fucked. There are so few films today that encourage interpretation without resorting to either shock content or outright scams (you know which films I am talking aboiut). Retro, like many of Karthik’s earlier ventures, does exactly that—while making a star hero become the movie’s protagonist just 15 minutes in—and earn his hero status only by the end.

But here’s the issue: the volume of interpretations around Retro has been seen as a negative. That’s absurd. Even Santhosh Narayanan probably had a different read of the film than I did—maybe that’s why the score felt off to me (for the first time ever in a Santhosh soundtrack). But just because an artwork allows for multiple meanings doesn’t make it bad.

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We are cursed by this “first half–second half” formula in Indian cinema. Except for writing a banging interval block, it is always a hedache.

And for a character journey like this one, it does more harm than good. When you open brackets in the first half and leave gaps, audiences begin imagining their own version of what’s to come. So when the second half finally arrives, they’re not comparing it with the first half—they’re comparing it with the version in their heads.

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I’ve never been a fan of discussing films on Twitter, now X. It’s actually unlike any other social media. It’s filled with a bunch of morons who call for equality, say every opinion matters and yet hypocritically consider their opinion superior to others. Been a moron, done that and it is now even worse because of the monetisation policies.

X now has the power to make or break a film even before most people have seen it. The collateral damage Retro faces is actually a wake up call for people who make decisions based on a faceless rando on twitter.

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A little word about my man :-

At the end of the day, none of what I say might matter. But I’ll still say this—art should be viewed through your own lens.

Karthik Subbaraj is, without a doubt, the best writer-director in Tamil cinema over the last 15 years. Not by box office numbers—but by originality and redefining what cinema could be. Each of his films has its own Aadhar card. And love it or hate it, that is on you but the whole point of this write up is that, only you are responsible for your opinion.

The biggest villian of Retro and any other Karthik film after this is just his own filmography. Retro may very well be the 6th best film in Karthik’s own list. But that is just the standards my man has set. It is a large ambitious experiment where he stretches the written word to its limits. The moral of the film is, perhaps, the biggest experiment of all—and one that no major filmmaker would even attempt in undertones.

That moral about laughter deserved a whole film. So did the mythology. So did the cult. So did the love. Retro isn’t a wedding-style full meals—it’s more of a walk through a food street. You like some dishes more than others. Some you might not like at all. But your stomach is full, and your mind is full of thought.

And just like Karthik’s ideas—you can’t ignore it.

6 times an SPB song changed my life.

I never thought I’ll write about all this in the same article itself but I’ve been doing therapeutic word vomiting all year so figured why not.

So yeah. This blog suddenly comes to use whenever a sad event occurs in my world and looks like I‘ve got the year right. That is what it is. This year is nothing but a series of terrible events one after the other and me ranting about it endlessly so here’s one such non rechecked limited vocabulary rant of another human being we lost to the curse of 2020, but this time with a mission to remember.

Just like every alternate tamizh music listener in my generation, SPB was the first singer I ever knew growing up. He was an icon to my parents. Much before I learnt music or understood, why exactly he is the single most versatile performing singer I will ever see, the name already struck a chord with me. In my journey into music for the love of cinema or the love of art rather, SPB will always be the person who has travelled with me the longest right from that Namma Shivaya CD that my father still theya theya plays in the puja room like it is a ritual along with what we do for god. We’ve got so used to it. And the news rattled all of us. I, personally never did want to go down spiral. Never at all. I took off from newsfeeds of Instagram and Twitter, dodged tribute posts, switched off TVs when they chose to finally do their job right by playing the exact right songs that should be played. A friend of mine says “Denial is absolutely not the right way to deal with things. But it is certainly the easiest way” and that’s the path I’m taking on for now. Denial to a point where I am showing all the anger on the world on a poor CSK team which lost yesterday. I’ll get to accept it in my own time and I hope I go there as soon as possible without much damage but for my parents’ side, I really couldn’t do anything about it. I saw my dad tearing up for the first time since thatha’s funeral seeing the last rites being performed yesterday. Now, this is a man he grew up with. I’m a guy who merely idolized SPB like a million others, but my father is from a generation that walked through life with him. What is he feeling? No idea. Is this how I’m going to feel when someone who I walked through my life takes off into the clouds? It is inevitable but this is the last thing in the world that I want to experience.

I really didn’t know what to write about after seeing all this yesterday but I knew this is my only way out of this misery. Blabbing my way into my computer screen and it has weirdly worked out well in the past. I am a nobody to talk about his greatness and I am nowhere near close to qualified to do it. But I want to in my own way. The impact SPB songs has had in my life (more in the last 3 years or so) is absolutely immeasurable. Words can’t prove justice to it and the only possible way to do it was actually rekindle my memory of the times the big man’s voice made my life better. I can’t count how many times this happened throughout the journey but I remember the best of those, god bless my memory. From music, to lyrics, to what my world was at that point of time, SPB is the closest to what I feel when I sit across the Marina – This entity which I always know that I could fall upon with all my happiness and sorrow and not get judged for it. And finally, intentionally or unintentionally he gave me what I was searching for – whether it was closure, or revelations or devotion etc. etc. So here it goes (with dates for me to come back to this same blog, read it, and laugh-cry with myself.)

Note :- These are certainly not his best songs. It’s just that these are my songs. Thottaa konnuduven.

Pennalla Pennalla Oothappoo – December 2017

A very fuckall start in this list you may think, is with arguably my favourite light hearted song SPB has ever sung. You know how everyone has this dream love one side love song no? This is mine. Half of the world doesn’t know this song exists. The rest doesn’t know that this is AR Rahman music. Even if you are a person who says “dei enna olarra”, I like to believe in the above statement. One side I want to stand at the top of the lighthouse and shout that this is the most beautiful piece of poetry I’ve ever heard and on the other side I want to lock this in the deepest parts of my hearts and keep it to myself. I’m this sucker for the beautiful tamizh in music and flute interludes and that little involuntary smile that I got when I heard it for the first time is priceless. Way back in 2017(feels like a lifetime ago), I decided that if I ever want to sing one song with my kandraavi aana katta voice to a special someone, it would be this, atleast showing 1 percent of the love that SPB showed with just his voice.

Oruvan Oruvan Muthalaali – All life

This is that mandatory thalaivar reference that I have on every blogpost because no part of my life is complete without a thalaivar reference. And I can’t find a more fitting reference here. I was one of those dumb kids who was thinking thalaivar was so cool, he sang his own opening songs(I think from Sivaji The Boss only I realized thalaivar can’t hold his breath this long). And with no other actor I felt this way because it looked so artificial with others. Rajinikanth and SPB is a match made in heaven and I’m willing to fight for this statement at any stage in the world. So much that I still think Baba flopped only because SPB didn’t do opening song. And out of all the Naa Autokaaran, Ballelaikka, En peru padayappa, Vanthenda Paalkaaran, Devuda Devuda and so many other songs which gave all the energy when I needed the most, Oruvan Oruvan Muthalaali for me is the godfather of all peak thalaivar intro songs. I can’t imagine a stretch of my life whether it was the worst or the best that Oruvan Oruvan Muthalaali wasn’t a part of and I don’t know who I should owe this to. SPB? Rahman? Thalaivar? Vairamuthu? I’ll never know.

“Mannin meethu manithanukaasai
Manithan meethu mannukkaasai
Mannthan kadaisiyil jeikkirathu
Ithai manamthan unara marukkirathu”

“Kaiyil konjam kaasu irunthaal
Neethan atharku ejamaanan
Kazhuthu varaikkum kasu irunthal
Athuthan unakku ejamanan.”

I’m taking every single line to my grave. Thank you

Kaatukuyilu – August 2019

The film Thalapathi holds a special status in my life. I still believe that it is one of those rare perfect films which never got anything wrong with respect to anything and by far, thalaivar’s greatest ever. For all the “natpu nu enna nu theriyuma” and “thodra paapom” moments that Mani saar literally sculpted in the film to celebrate the friendship between Deva and Suriya, for me the real celebration of friendship was in Kaatukuyilu from Ilayaraja, SPB and Yesudas. I’ve been the guy who wanted the most friends all along life. But then only very lately, I realized that this isn’t as easy as I think and 3 good friends actually matter more than 30 odd ones. But then in time’s lovely turn of events, the “friendship” blessing is one of the things that I’ll be forever grateful for in the last 2 years. And this particular moment was in a Mottamaadi Music show in Sathyam Theatre Main Screen with 10 of my bestest friends (dress coded. As fuckall as possible) along with 1000 others singing the second stanza of Kaatukuyilu at the top of our voices. That was it. By time the song ended, I knew that every single moment of making friends with these people has led to this exact moment singing Kaatukuyilu with them.

“Sogam vitu sorgam thottu
Raagam ittu thaalam ittu
Paatu paadum vaanambadi
Naam dhaan”

Madai Thiranthu – Second half of 2018

I want to talk about this in detail because this is really really distinctive. I love music. Anyone who knows me even a little know that I live through tamil music. And this really really started in 2018 with me alone, not knowing what to concentrate my energy on. And here I am, 2 years later, with people I can recommend songs to and they actually listen (very difficult to find. Mark my words. I’ve been there), with a job for which I can write and talk music that I love and also get paid for. For the artform that changed my entire life, I don’t think anyone in the world has honored it enough as much as SPB and Ilayaraja did together. Check this out. Even other than Madai Thiranthu, these are the songs SPB has sung about music – with due respect to the situation in the film or as a celebration and most of times a very beautiful metaphorical reference to himself.

Madai Thiranthu, Nizhalgal (1980)

Sangeetha Megam, Udhaya Geetham (1985)

Idhayam Oru Kovil, Idhaya Kovil (1985)

Kaadhalin Deepam Ondru, Thambikku Entha Ooru (1984)

Mettupodu, Duet (1994)

Raagangal Pathinaaru, Thillu Mullu (1981)

Ilaya Nila, Payanangal Mudivathillai (1982)

Sangeetha Jaadhi Mullai, Kadhal Oviyam (1982)

Athinthom, Chandramukhi (2005)

And the list goes on. This is something that makes SPB stand at a really special pedestal in my life. A place no one else can reach because, in my short life, he was the first person to give it back to the art in the form of art. Like a painter painting a painting of him painting and actually going on to prove justice to it.

“Indha thegam maraindhaalum isaiyaai malarven”

Mandram Vantha – June 2019

Oh the last 2 songs in this list is the most fun and attacked me the most. So, we at home worship the Mouna Ragam album. In various different ways. Even though, I’ve never been possessive over a Mouna Ragam song for some reason, appa has always been a Nilaave Va person (appa has some love story with it but just like every Indian dad, guy is not telling me). It was mid-2019, on an evening dedicated to SPB (Thanks Badri Seshadri if you are reading this) when I figured out that Mouna Ragam has something in my life too. It was a time filled with questions. Too many of them. And I couldn’t my answers to anyone because it involved another person. A time where things were happening all around me but I never know what is good or bad. There it came like a flight crash from above, with “Boopaalamae koodadhennum vaanam undo sol..” with 100 other people. I can call it a revelation or a miracle. But I chose to call it a way of life. A life in which if you believe that you are sincere about a question, you always find the answer. In some way or the other. And however idiotic, the answer may sound at that time, everything happens for a reason. And here, the reason is SPB.

Minnale Nee Vanthathenadi – Febraury 2018

I never thought in my life that I’ll come around talking about this time but yes, I’ve finally pulled up a little courage. SPB made me realize that I’m in love for the first time in my life. And how? By getting my heartbroken. It’s the greatest story that you’ll ever hear. The greatest dramatic coincidences ever to happen in a human being’s life and this exactly was the day of all things I decided that I wouldn’t wish a heartbreak on my worst enemy. I can never separate this song from the event and vice versa and at that point, I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad that SPB and Rahman were by my side when this happened (happy now. The happiest. I couldn’t have asked for better people and a better song.) It is something that haunted me ever since then, just like how the strings start. And as the song says, everything happened in a flash. The lyrics and SPB’s voice with it burnt a hole in my heart that I thought will never heal. But time had other ideas. This February, exactly after 2 years since its happened, I finally decided that this is my greatest SPB song ever and I don’t think I’ll have a reconsideration over it. And someday I wish I have a little more courage to talk about the entire song in detail line by line.

idhe music player dhaan ellathukum kaaranam

“Kanneeril thee valarthu kaathirukiren
Un kaaladi thadathil naan poothirukiren”

I can’t even imagine how many I’ve missed. Off the top of my head, there was this time when I tried to hold my breath and sing like him in Mannil Intha Kaadhal and my voice only went lower and lower with each line and all I could pull off is the heavy breathing. His role in Kadhalan as Prabhudeva’s dad is one of my most favourite dad characters in tamil cinema. En Kadhale, SPB and Kadri Gopalnath’s saxophone has another story like Minnale Nee Vanthethanadi in my life but I’ll keep that one for another episode.

lot to do with this video

Apart from all this, he holds the record for singing the most songs by anyone in the world. 40,000 songs. You are wondering how much this is? Let me break it down for you.

If we average each song as 5 minutes.

40,000 x 5 = 2,00,000 minutes.

2,00,000/60 = 3333 hours.

3333/24 = 138.8 days

That is if you play the first song that SPB ever sung now and play everything on loop all day in the order of release, it takes around 4 and half months to reach Chumma Kizhi. Let that sink in.

For such a human, media might focus on his death for 2 days. Social Media hype might be there for the next 1 week. But for every person who truly loves him, he lives all along in little things like that Ha in Kaadhalin Deepam Ondru or every time he cute ah laughs in Suthi suthi vantheeha. If you see the list of events above in my life, it follows a pattern. He stayed with me through friendship, through celebration, through questions, through love, through heartbreak, through almost every emotion that a person goes through in his adult life. Like that, he lives through us with every single memory in our life that can be associated with an SPB song. No performing artist ever dies as long as the art they lived for breathes. And as long as YouTube exists, my earphone company doesn’t shut down, my OC speaker still keeps playing music, SPB lives on. And his name stands as the man whose voice went on to shape an entire generation.

Thank you SPB. Thank you for everything.

The Sound of Memories Epi. 1 – Annul Maelae and Second Chances

The world’s love for Vaaranam Aayiram as a movie has been dissected so much on the internet, it became acidic after a point. We get that it is the best Gautam Vasudev Menon movie of all time. We get that it was one of Suriya’s most inspiring performances. We understand that it gave you unrealistic train romance expectations. All this apart, for the people who truly love Vaaranam Aayiram a little more than the rest of the world, it isn’t like any other film. We are possessive about the movie like no one else and it feels like a sin to dissect it because of the emotion it holds. But credit where it is due, the beauty of the movie also lies in the fact that it has given us always something new to talk about even after all these years of showing love and Kalaignar TV telecasts. A little part of me doesn’t want to do this writing but I don’t think I’ll get a better stage in this world to celebrate something little that the world doesn’t give enough attention to.

The brilliance of the Vaaranam Aayiram starts with the setting it created in such a short span of time into the movie. A setting where the story can be of so many different perspectives and everything would still hold the film together separately in its own uniqueness. On paper, it is straightforward that it is a stirring journey of a man and how his father changed his life. From the view of Krishnan, it is about how an idealistic dad helps his son handle the curve balls life throws at him. Even Simran’s perspective is about how she saw her son close himself into a cocoon and open into a butterfly by the end. When we talk about all this, we forget that, there is another integral part of the butterfly’s life by the end of the story – Priya and second chances in life.

The album of the film is raved to be Harris Jayaraj’s greatest work till date and honestly, even though some part of me would argue about it, another part of me doesn’t want to. Good albums stay with us through the years but only the best of the best albums form a cult just for its music. “Hi Malini, I’m Krishnan” part of Mundhinam Parthene is still a proposal scene for the ages. Nenjukkul Peidhidum went on to be a synonym for songs to sing with a guitar in hand. Anjala has so much sad boy energy, it makes you emerge out of wallowing in self pity and break cupboards and computer desktops (based on a true story). With all these bangers forming its own fan following with spoofs and tiktok videos over the years, silently at the back, there was a marriage between the chromatic voice of Sudha Raghunathan and the lyrical genius of Thamarai with a heartmelting violin interlude to give Annul Maelae Panithuli as a minimalist representation of the story of Vaaranam Aayiram from the eyes of Priya.

Seeing this story from Suriya’s narration, she was brought into his life at a much later stage, a stage where he was disturbed, aimless and was taking up wrong turns in life thinking he lost his only shot in love. He wasn’t expecting a second chance in life because he was still in denial of Meghna’s untimely exit. Priya on the other hand, even though she looked at him the same way since her adolescence (very evidently, for that matter) was a mature woman who finally gave Suriya what he was missing for the entirety of his rehabilitation – the trust that someone can still travel with him for the rest of his life. Suriya’s conflicted self always had the worst case scenario at the back of his mind like any human would do but Priya waited until he could accept the reality. And I feel that’s what made it special. “Annul Maelae Panithuli, Alaipaayum Oru Kili” literally follows the journey of Priya from a peripheral part of Suriya’s life into his aide to hold hands with. And the feeling is portrayed beautifully in the visuals where the second shot of the entire video features Suriya and Priya shaking hands to break the awkwardness between them because they weren’t the star crossed lovers which Tamil Cinema usually glorifies but rather, they were mere children of destiny. The later cuts showed them actually getting to know each other with walks, lunches and even a flight date (one of the rare occasions where GVM did it before Mani Ratnam in Kaatru Veliyidai) and then Suriya finally gets up the courage to take her hand and literally and figuratively, never leaves her hand for the rest of the song!

Endha Katrin Alavalil, Malaridazhgal Virinthidumo,

Endha Deva Vinadiyil, Manaraigal Thirandidumo…

With time, Priya’s questions were answered one by one. Her dreams were coming alive with Suriya and he is seemingly becoming the hardcore romantic he was in his own good time. Until the scenes leading up to the start of the song, we almost forget that, this guy is the same man who travelled to another continent and sand En Iniya Pon Nilave in front of a random house. With this woman coming her way to a military camp just like he did all those years back, it feels like it was Suriya’s life had come a full circle. This was his second chance. Not a lot of people get second chances and Suriya is no fool to miss them. The last one minute of the video is a time jump from their first holiday into the birth of their first child with the classic GVM montages that fades in with the chorus. It was so naturally stitched with the song, the last one minute had visuals for the next 2 years of Suriya’s and Priya’s lives and we never cared enough to analyse it. It was bound to be a Natchathira Jannalil moment but this is how good things happen when you believe in your second chances, just like the chorus, with lots of laughter and lots of love, unworried about the hurdles in the future because of your trust in yourself that you’ll be able to get past it.

Imai Irandum Thani Thani, Urakkangal Urai Pani, Edharkaga Thadai Ini?

Me and My Malayalam Milieu.

December 31st 2015. Growing up, I’ve never been a fan of the final day of a year or the first day of the new year celebration concept. Have always felt it is putting too much pressure on myself to reminisce about the last 365 days for no reason because the next day is going to be exactly the same. 16 years of age, was the time I started questioning about capitalist driven ideas which we don’t profit on, the amount of rationalism and hypocrisy that we need to forgive to be that regular person on this face of the Earth. It was particularly a bad year leaving me alone not knowing what to do or how to end this year and what not and that was when I remembered I couple of CDs from one Thiruttu VCD kadai 2 streets away (no Prime or Netflix us when we were crossing 15 and I couldn’t find any subtitles for non-Tamil films on Torrents). In that list was Sallu Bhai’s Bajrangi Bhaijaan, Pixar’s Inside Out (Don’t even start. I’ll start bawling) and this. Premam.

Premam was a huge deal at that time. I think it still is but it was a “running in Sathyam Cinemas over a 100 days” level big deal appo (It ran for 275 days in Sathyam. That is massive for any film, leave alone a Malayalam film with this guy who I last saw in Neram – nice movie but next jump is 275 days level growth is a complete wtf moment. It was advertised with the faces of 3 beautiful women, this dude, the title meaning love in a butterfly font. Very cheesy stuff that invites me to see what it really has. I’ve never watched a Malayalam film until then and I’m a sucker for a good romance because that was a time when I was building up expectations for a love in the future (Spoiler alert. Bad idea. Don’t.) So hence, 9 pm in the night after my dinner, turned on the TV, pushed the CD inside, rechecked the subtitles sync and started watching. The very first frame was a colourful Special Thanks to god frame followed by Sun, Time and Love. Then followed a never-ending train of Thank You notes to people ranging from Rajinikanth to Tea Shop Owners to Mammooty to Ex-girlfriends and so on for the next 2 minutes atleast. But then I never wanted to skip it because, it was very cute. In a world that was plagiarising movies left and right, there was this director who wanted to say thank you to random people who helped him in the film or his own life. And then with Rajesh Murugesan’s Idhu Puthen Kaalam and that unbelievable soundtrack that will always be a landmark in my cinema journey, I took my first stride into a genre named Malayalam Cinema.

This is a language. Not a genre. Nope. Absolutely not. Regardless of what/where/when and all the Question words that follow, a genre called life is prevalent in all their films. To be more precise, all films fall under a genre where a movie watcher learns to appreciate his life even with him completely not relating to the plot. The modern age of Malayalam Cinema as they call it, starting from the likes of Anjali Menon, Alphonse Puthren, Vineeth Srinivasan, Dileesh Pothan have proved again and again for years that story telling is more important than the story itself. The budget of the movie, the predicitibility from the side of audience, the tone, the drags, nothing really matters if the audience sees the director’s name in the end credits with a smile on their face. Be it a very simple preface like a Police Man’s routine in Action Hero Biju or an African descent football player’s adventures in Sudani from Nigeria, this philosophy is something that Malayalam cinema has mastered in and actually even getting better at in the coming years.

That in turn leads us into the conversation as to what really differs this from Tamil Cinema. We also have our fair share of films which make us smile on our way out, probably more than just smile. Ofcourse yes, a handful of them but for every film like that we also see a star vehicle with so much hero worship, the identity of the actor is attached to his onscreen persona somehow in alternate films. The beauty of Malayalam Cinema it stands on a pillar of actors and actresses who mold their career as an actor rather than a hero. They act in onsembles, supporting roles, sometimes even in a shade that no one has ever touched upon (pfft. Fahadh Fassil. pfft) With respect to the actresses, they are more involved in showing variety and range rather than showing off a filmography with a higher number of 100 crore films. A Parvathy Thiruvothu wouldn’t done an Uyare if not to bring a part of herself to tell a story that she feels the world needs to know rather than just acting for a director. By this way, not only every good film is more heartfelt and the characters are more memorable, but we subconsciously associate the actors and actresses with more and more brilliantly written characters that they play because they are able to do justice to the arc almost every single time.

The phenomenon named Fahadh Fassil playing a conman but with a good heart in *Njan Prakashan* (2018) and a cold blooded psycho in *Trance* (2020).

This Febraury 2020, Bong Joon Ho stood on the world’s biggest stage with 2 academy awards in his hand and quoted his inspiration Martin Scorsese, “The most personal is the most creative.” How he went on to make his country proud with this simple ideology is completely another write up but if people are doubting it, it is really that simple! What Bong Joon Ho proved with Parasite on the international stage, some of the people here have been proving it time in time again be it Vetri Maaran in Tamil or Lijo Jose Pellissery in Malayalam. Talking only about Malayalam cinema, this doctrine is all over the films of the past 5 years where most movies are movies revolving around just people. And their lives. And their emotions. And all the conflicts a person or a group of people face. This may branch out for a social cause like the movies based on Communism or go metal on metal 2 headed drama like Ayyapanum Koshiyum or may deal with relationships man-man, woman-man, father-son, daughter-father, stranger-man, Soubin Shahir-The Universe and countless others. With these many stories among us with unfathomable depths all with a little change of perspective and a lovely sight of the god’s own country, they demonstrate that you don’t need to go to outer space or erect an 8 digit number set to make something beautiful.

I talked about the directors and actors but I forgot to mention about the greatest supporting actor of the entire Malayalam Film industry – Kerala itself! One of the biggest blessings of Malayalam films is their state in itself. Scenic beauty doesn’t only lie in places travelled by Helicopters or places restricted to VIPs. The setting between the rains, trees and rivers ever always play a role in their films by making us live with the character in second person rather than to see the film in third person. How the world saw Kumblangi in Kumblangi Nights or Idukki in Maheshinte Pratikharam is evidence of this feeling. The greens, the wet roads, the use of natural light, the walks into coconut tree sunsets, the pazhampuris in chai shops, the backwaters which we could smell from from the screen are a part and parcel of a Malayalam film and makes you feel there is no bad shot because you can’t show this place in a vexing way!

Idukki song, *Maheshinte Pratikharam* (2016)

The music on the same levels perfectly complement the visuals to heighten our senses even more which is a rare occasion in any other industry. There is a lot of use of Acoustic Guitars and strings, whistling and sounds of the nature to personify the music and very less of choruses in which the voices overpower the music out. The closest any other language song has come to giving this emotion is AR Rahman’s Moongil Thottam. Cinematography, Music, Actors, Storytelling – The fruitful marriage of all of the above is what that defines Malayalam Cinema and sure does give us a constant dose of pleasure for the whole time for a gratifying experience.

Frames of Cherathukal, *Kumblangi Nights* (2019)

After 5 years of watching my first Malayalam film now, I’ve watched over a 100 now. This lockdown especially has got me on a marathon that I don’t want to end at all. One side the last film I saw in the theatre was this insane fucked up ride named Trance all praise to Fahadh Fassil, the last Malayalam film that I saw was Anna Ben’s Kappela on Netflix, a first of its genre love thriller narrated in a way that a major part of the audience hasn’t seen before but still didn’t get its credit to the outside world. Malayalam cinema haven’t set a bar high for the other industries to cross it, they’ve set a bar far far away from the rest of the world into the interior parts of Kerala.

This year, especially in this time was celebrated as #5YearsOfPremam all over Social Media. People were talking about Shambu, Koya and George’s friendship or how Malar Teacher is the dream college lecturer we never got left and right. June 9, 2020, I watched the film again at the stroke of 12 on my birthday. I’m 21 now. My love life today is no more a work of fiction but has entered the based on true stories genre. It has been almost 3 years since I bought my last CD because they don’t exist anymore (and Puratchi thalapathy Vishal has thought me to say no to Piracy. Duh.) I’m still searching for answers of my life, but weirdly enough the difference is that I’m positive I’ll find it someday. But still, when I saw Celine eat Red Velvet the same way how she ate when she was a kid or the rain along with George’s life going in reverse to Govind Vasantha’s Unfinished Hope, I feel some things are made to be felt and some moments are meant to be treasured so that they don’t get lost along the way. Life is certainly a box of chocolates and we never know what we are going to get. If we are talking about Malayam Cinema, beware, you may expect a chocolate and may end up finding a chocolate box for yourself.

Ghilli (2004) – A film from Vijay and parts of Vishnu Aravind

29/3/2020. Corona Pandemic is starting to take over India and my world is on the brink of collapsing with seeing 3 faces for entire days. It has been almost 10 days since the lockdown was announced and I personally am in a complete slump and would try to capture any opportunity that tries to make me happy. They are telecasting Ghilli in Sun TV on a Sunday evening and it got me into a throwback I never want to come out from. Ghilli was one of those films which shaped my childhood. It released exactly in a time when I was just getting interested in watching films and learning and before I watched too many films to consider it just another ordinary movie.

My family was very similar to that family, a very fuckall strict father who brings his work home, a mom who saves my ass, a sister who hates you but secretly loves you. It was creepily accurate. And I think that’s why the impact was blown up more. The accuracy was felt by a majority of families because this is the story in most households.

Thalapathy was then not even Ilayathalapathy for me. But by the end of the film, he was a superhero. Why was he a superhero? Not because he went on to singlehandedly make Prakash Raj run for his life. Not because he gave solace to a scared girl in his own home without a glitch of fear. But because he did all this while being myself – a boy next door who just has a way with life. Call me dumb but it became inspirational for me. There were so many hard characters that I saw later in cinema which I learnt core traits of my life from. Vaaranam Aayiram. Rockstar. Kannathil Muthamittal. Pursuit of Happyness. Guru. Even the entire Thalaivar filmography for that matter. Weirdly, Velu from Ghilli came on that list and funnily even topped it because one it was nothing to dream big of. Everything for me was right there already set up. 5 year old Vishnu’s only thing left was to grow up, go to Madurai and find a beautiful girl who’s running from an asshole.

And two is that whatever he did felt morally right and convincing. And by the end of the film, I just felt that you do things that feel right for you means you get to be happy. My little brain couldn’t see the brilliant screenplay, couldn’t see any lag(which I doubt was even there for a single second), couldn’t see the very comedy track that was so free flowing with the script, it took me so manu rewatched that there was not an established comedian with his own pretext with the film. But I’m pretty sure it excessively understood what the film tried to convey.

The songs were a fucking rage. Every single song. Appadi Podu became a cultural reset ofcourse but the rest of it set its own standards in whatever form you take situations or Emotional quotient or Lyrics or whatever the hell you want. The song that had the least imprint in my life was Sha La La which went on to easily become one of the best heroine entry songs ever made. How the film satisfied the commercial template was talked extensively but no one talked about how much this made the small things in the film matter. For a 5 year old guy like me, I went on to do that thing Vijay does with that thumb of his hand for the next 10 years of my life.

Everytime I drink coke from a glass bottle, I blow in it to see if I could get music like how he does in Kokkara Kokkara Ko.

I poked the fuck out of my dad’s wrists just to see if I could get the nerves out (I’m a doctor now. Feels like a joke).

If I guy had a turban, I still see them as villians because fuckers went against TN in Kabaddi match finals.

And not with just the past, the future too. I still expect my sister to stand up for me one day (High expectations. Looks like Mayiru la nadakkum). I still think my dad one day will understand me and leave me to do what I want because he trusts me. Come on Velu was a lot more than a line. It became a symbol of how a guy got his son wrong all this time and he has finally realised his mistake and now you know that he’s going to stand with him in his time of adversities.

The thing about Ghilli was there’s no epilogue. It just ends with Velu and Dhanalakshmi and his family being happy in that kabaddi field. We didn’t care about what happenned later. Because we know that they are going to be happy as a family. Atleast I knew, because deep inside, if all this happens to me, my dad starts holding my back, I start standing up against wrong if it ever hurts someone I care about, no matter how small it is and if I ever find love finally not by searching for it but it coming to me and slapping me right across the face, I’ll grab it right before it does because I know I won’t get 2nd chances in life like how Velu got.

Life doesn’t work like Ghilli. Just that Ghilli works like life.

The Playlist. Part 3 :- The Prestige

March. The Sun starting taking notice of us. A little too heavily. The dry cold is taking substitution with, the weather this city shouts loud of. We’ve been so used to it, there’s a lot of emotion that comes with it. Mango Season is here. Chepauk is lighting up. This is the time when there’ll be place for an extra juice after your biriyani. Why not. The Summer isn’t just about getting hot is it? It’s about getting to be happy.

Adithya walked past the covers of the trees to class with his earphones on. It was fucking hot. Walking through the shadows didn’t help for crap. There were tired discontent people walking by him. Cars were honking at other people who didn’t even try moving out. The sun got the better of them clearly. Any person would have got annoyed and ran out. This guy didn’t. He had his music with him at the most difficult of times. What is this even?

The college was coming to an end for the term. This was his last week there and it’s 2 months of holidays. Unlike others, he knew what to do in that time He discovered something very dear for the past 3 months of his life. He found that he can do anything his heart says him to do. Very late realisation dhaan but not too late. In short, he learnt to go with the flow. Probably the single best life lesson he would have ever learnt. He had his days written like every stanza of a ballad. There were highs and better highs and it always told us a beautiful story with it. Every story said was every memory made.

“Apram macha. Padathukku polaam” his friend said. He had nothing to do and said yes not hoping the film will be good but the memory will be. This is what he’s living for. The memories that is to be treasured. He came out of the class in a zest equalled by no one else. A zest called life.

“Adi.” a voice called.

“சின்னஞ்சிறு சின்னஞ்சிறு ரகசியமே”

He knew this voice. Again. Deja Vu. Turned back. It has been more than 2 months since he spoke to Margazhi. The drift was very clear. The only difference is that he learnt to accept it. She had her own life to lead and he by no means want to play speedbump in it. But then why is she calling him now? This is the question he wants the answer to.

“Epdi irukka.” she asked.

The next was a good set of cliche dialogues a long lost friend would ask another one. He played on to it. Suddenly with the clear change in tone, “Kooda konjam pesalaama? Time irukka?” she asked. He became more curious. He had a film and a Friend waiting on him. And he has spoken to her for this long. Any practical person would have excused himself from the situation and ran out of the conversation but this guy did quite the opposite.

He said “pesalaame” and walked with her.

“சின்னஞ்சிறு சின்னஞ்சிறு அதிசயமே”

He messaged his friend about some important work. His ‘memory to be treasured’ can wait. And the worst thing is that god knows why he did it. Margazhi and him haven’t been the closest of people like they once were at one point. More over, taking account of what he went through recently, she caused much trouble to his mind than to be a saving cause. But why did he do this. I don’t think he would understand that how many ever times he thinks of it.

She started. Singing rather than speaking. There was no break within her words. It was like she scripted what she was about to say.

Ellame Script la illa la?

Adi couldn’t understand a lot of things she said. But all he could understand was that she isn’t happy. She isn’t the same person who he used to talk to or talk about or even think about. What he’s seeing now is a mess. This time very visibly seen. She is confused, depressed and basically is contradicting everything she stood for. For him, this is a shock. Because he always thought she’d be the person who will be the same no matter how her atmosphere changed. Her life just got better of her. For real.

“Wait pannu. Oru second. Idhu nee illa.” Adi said. Talking for the first time in around 2 months, he didn’t bother to take his time into the conversation. He went straight to the point. She was confused. “Enakku therinja ponnu idhu illa. Ava sirippa, olaruva, appo appo kevalama polambuva. Aana ipdi veruthu poi okkara maata.” he said. He didn’t plan this up. He didn’t write this down. He just spoke whatever he could think of in mere faith of Margazhi understanding his conception. One chance to take the leap. He took it.

“சின்னஞ்சிறு விரல் கொடு.
சின்னஞ்சிறு சின்னஞ்சிறு இடம் கொடு…”

“I knew there was a pretty long gap in the middle. I don’t know what happened to you but get to know this. I fell in love in the middle. With myself. And thanks to you. I don’t think all this would have been without you.” Now she was completely out of track. She came to talk about her problems and suddenly she’s hearing about what he has been going through in those times.

But then, she was getting there. She’s unique, she’s strong, this was just a phase that she’s going to get back from. All she got was fed up from the world which she thought refused to side with the thoughts. Suddenly she saw Adi rooting for her, vibing with her. These things are all she wanted to hear. Unlike most people, this vibe was natural. He could write slam poetry and yet find a rhyme scheme with her. There she was. Poetry. Kavithai sollanuma?

Adi didn’t stop. Payyanukku niruthura maari idea veh illa. “That girl taught me about me better than I could have taught myself. I fell in love in the most beautiful form of her and I am proud of it. Andha ponna vaazhka full ah marakka maaten.” he said. He just confessed his long caught love to her without any hesitation. So this is what you get when you speak out your heart. Meanwhile she was there, standing with multiple layers of emotion. She was shocked, surprised, moved, felt loved and felt many other emotions which she couldn’t get the name of.

But she was happy. The most she’s been in quite some time. She knew that for a fact. Imagine a ship. Anchored in the port. There are people moving up and down. There’s a hard wind on starboard. She doesn’t know when she’s going to see the sea. When she’s going to go past the horizon. When she’s going to go into the storm. But she waits. Not by choice but by hope. There she was. Waiting.

“Naa idha eppovo sollirkanum. Solla chance kedaikkala. Indha chance ah naa miss panna mudiyala. All I am telling you now is this. That girl is the best girl I’ve ever met in my entire life and sadly I didn’t know that appove. I took my time and toll to realise it. I don’t know if I am going to get all those back but I’ll never forget it.”

He talked a lot. He didn’t care. “Nee idha epdi eduthukkura nu theriyala. Aana andha ponnu thirippi vantha, Oru call pannu. Podhum.” he said and walked off. Endha padathulernthu suttan nu therla. She’s standing there like a leeched rock. Unshaken. A lot greener than usual. He can’t even imagine what’s running in her head but all he could hope is the good things. Hope is a good thing. May be the best of things. And no good thing ever dies. Payyan full flow la irunthaanpla.

He came home about 45 minutes later. He’s never going to feel anything like what he felt this 45 minutes. He should have been Perplexed but there came a slight pinch of ecstasy. Very extreme emotions. He was clear. He knew he did the right thing however randomly he came up with it. Padikkadha exam la pass aana maari oru feel.

The guy is a dreamer. He dreamt of the world. He now knew that he atleast got his world on the right note. The lake wasn’t an option. It was the ocean in front of him. And now, he acquired the confidence to sail through it. He got out of the shower. Played his Mani Ratnam. Technically his magic songs. Let me tell you something about magic. You never know when you are going to witness is. And he thought he got all of his magic figured out. Or did he?

His mobile phone rang.

“சின்னஞ்சிறு ஆசைக்கு பொய் சொல்ல தெரியாதே…”

The Playlist. Part 2 :- The Turn

November. The clouds swooped into the skies. And these weren’t mere artworks. They brought in uncertainty. There was a shade of grey blue skies and blue in dark nights. People hated the short drizzles of the mornings because of the acid it brought in and also because of the traffic it caused. Is there a rule that rain should be associated with love all the time?

Adithya’s mornings were technically roleplayed by these clouds to the world. It was irresolute and unsettling. He felt he was forcing himself into the life he was living right now. He wasn’t able to speak out his mind. For a person who had been open to the world about an eventful life, this was his worst nightmare. The dimlit bedroom became his most favorite place in the world. He didn’t want too much sun inside.

He walked into the college drowned in rainwater and gloom. The classroom door was open and he walked straight to his desk on the far right. His eyes didn’t waiver ironically because his mind and heart weren’t at one place. Deep inside, Adithya was disappointed in this world for being what it was. He knew that it was completely irrational to blame his misery on the world but atleast, that helped him take some weight off his chest.

“வானம் எங்கும் உன் விம்பம்
ஆனால் கையில் சேரவில்லை.”

Class started 5 minutes later. He didn’t care. He wore his earphones which had blisters towards its jack. This was his 3rd pair of earphones within 6 months. But undeterred by quality, the music that he listened at this time was what he lived for. He loved how he gradually went into a very non-partisan state with his songs. The breath of life in the music got converted into minute after minute of nothing but a straight fault line. There was an occasional pause when the professor walked back (to his bad luck, the lecturers learnt the trick) or a message notification which he didn’t care much about.

To all his friends, the Adithya known to the world was lost somewhere in ambiguity. They saw a person who was discontent but not without reason, and a person who desperately wanted to come out of it for the very same reason. neenga pazhaya Baasha vah thirumbi varanum

“Margazhi enga da?”, his friend asked him during lunch. Adithya didn’t know and he didn’t care. “Theriyala macha” he said after a delay. “Un friend dhaane. Theriyanum la?”, his friend said and chuckled within himself. Adithya went on to finish his lunch and he left this question unanswered.

He hadn’t spoken to Margazhi in about 11 days in person. The eye to eye conversations that he used to relish seemed to be a distant past now. There was no solid reason for this hiatus in their relationship, there wasn’t anything both of them could do either. Like 2 ships in the sea, they drifted apart, taking different routes. But he wasn’t sure where he was headed. Through the course of time, months later, he questioned his destination. He was sceptic at the very first. The way the world was right in front of him just gave a testimony for his emotions.

But what could he do? Could he go back in time and change the past 6 months? Hell no. To make things right, he needed to do something worse. To straight up look at Margazhi in his eyes and tell her to come back into his life again as they were once before. But what if she had moved on? What if she didn’t share his conception? What if she had actually reached her destination? Overthinking, his old friend, was back with him once again. What if she was happy? He was right now stuck up in his greatest step-on-gum situation as the last thing he wanted to do was affect Margazhi’s happiness.

“காற்றில் எங்கும் உன் வாசம்
வெறும் வாசம் வாழ்க்கையில்லை.”

The music didn’t calm him down. What normally would make him feel ecstasy was now haunting as fuck. His heart lurked like paper boats waivering through puddles. These were overload. Excess cargo. It wasn’t getting through his own immigration check. But he wanted to keep this to himself. He didn’t care if this pulled him back, he was ready to go back. His greatest fear was his greatest desire. Contradicting much?

“Adi. Adutha period enna?” called upon a voice.

A very familiar voice. Adithya was used to people calling him in the middle of his music. Fucking idiots. He normally acts as if he doesn’t listen to them even though he could hear them through the volume. This time, he looked up. He knew what he saw. Standing there was Margazhi in her bright red dress. A new one probably. Adithya has never seen her wearing that one before.

“12.45”, Adi stuttered. Margazhi sat down opposite to him. Adi was in a fix. It was as though nothing happenned for her for a few seconds. Then, why was he taking everything to his brains? Is this all a facade that he was playing to himself?

Right now, he wanted to let it all out. Ask her a 100 questions on how they hovered away from each other. And just rant about his crazy awful sentience that he’s barely surviving in. He wanted colour. He wanted to provide himself some ardour to whatever he was doing. He just wanted to open up. Not the hardest of asks.

“உயிரை வேரோடு கிள்ளி.
என்னைச் செந்தீயில் தள்ளி.”

“College epdi poguthu Margazhi?” he asked. Working his way into the conversation, good plan. Solid. A small part of him was proud of the fact that he structured up a plan at this crunch time. Nalla panra da.

“Adha yen kekra. Exams um urupadla. Edhukku college varen ne therla.” she said. The sentence ended. So soon. Barely 2 seconds.

But still not bad. Good start. She also hates life but let’s not overdo it.

“Indha college…” he started exactly at the point when Margazhi saw another person walking towards the floor end.

“One sec. Vanthurren.” she said and walked towards her there. He saw her walk away. His earphones were lying beside him, tangled but he didn’t bother to pick them up. The windows above his head slammed against the rusted walls of the corridor. The weather was updated that the day would be cloudy but little did they know that there was a storm coming.

“எங்கே சென்றாயோ கள்ளி”

He waited there until a point. He left to class later. Losing attendance was the last thing he wanted do.

“ஓயும் ஜீவன் ஓடும் முன்னே
ஓடோடி வா…”

to be continued.

The Playlist. Part 1 :- The Pledge

July. The night was young. The air was still moist. Anyone in the city would call it what turned out to be a hot day smack middle of the year. Summer ended but the rains were hesitant to pay a visit. This is the time when those birds on the top the terraces unwind to prepare for another long uneventful day. Life ran it’s way past empty Chennai roads with a mind of a poor old man but the heart of a teenager.

*clink* Adithya’s notification tone rang. He thought he switched off his data when he put mobile on charge. But then, he lept in a streak of excitement rather than surprise. He jumped to the otherside of his old bed, edging past the rim of the cot but it doesn’t seem like he cared. He looked at his phone for 3 seconds and smiled with a familiar emotion. It was like he knew that he would come back to his mobile in the middle of the night. Life does that sometimes. It gives you what you want. The small things.

“இருவிழி உனது. இமைகளும் உனது”

“Sleeping so soon wow. Byeeee” read the mesaage from Margazhi. Adithya was a new recruit to long nights. In fact, he’s training himself for the last year to stay up for nights for sleepovers or all nighters before exams. Guy can’t blink for shit after 10 pm on a normal day. But now, these long nights that he faces now are due to a completely different reason. He didn’t ask for it. Tried forcing himself to sleep once the clock struck 12 but that’s when his music begun. He liked to dream in perfect rhythm. Not wrong at all.

“கனவுகள் மட்டும். எனதே எனது”

Now he got back to the question. What to reply. More over, when to reply. Should he just say bye again to her and sleep or reply back to her about losing sleep? Is it okay if he replies now itself or will it be too clingy? Could she wait until morning to listen to his stories? Will she be awake now? or is she asleep? What if she’s giving him a test?Every brain cell of Adithya raised a different simulation of the event if he handled it differently. Doctor Strange would be proud.

After much completely unneeded calculation, he replied “Nighttt” ada thu. idhukka da ivlo scene-u. Now he was clear about going back to sleep. No one could stop him. Atleast he thought so. He put his phone on silent. Turned off his night lamp. Started his Harris Jayaraj and laid down.

God knows how much time he took to sleep but then he slept with a conviction that he had a good night. The stars and the crescent shun in the sky but it was Adithya’s face which lighted up. This has been going on for a month now and these guilty pleasures are an everyday thing for him. All pleasures came with a price. This took up his sleep and he readily paid for it.

It was like 3 minutes back he dozed off and it was already 8 am. Adithya was racing past the crowds for his class. His long nights paved way to mornings with disinterest but still he ran to class. The people from the crowds watched him weirdly because literally no one gave a fuck about morning classes. enna aachu ivanukku. He doesn’t know what to call it but for the past 5 days or so, his eyes searched for Margazhi the moment he stepped in to the class. He had no idea why. He had no idea what subject the class was on, he didn’t care about the attendance of the class. The professor was standing upright to the mic to his left but his eyes were in the right place. Why is she the first thought of his morning mind? This was another question Adithya didn’t know the answer to. But he didn’t want to know the answer. He liked it this way. He saw her to his left but didn’t make it obvious, walked up the aisle and past her.

No eye contact. Disappointment.

“நாட்கள் நீளுதே. நீ எங்கோ போனதும்.”

He moved his friends to take his seat in the last rows. The last rows were a godsend for him. No supervision, no reactions, except for the rare lecturer who is actually healthy enough to walk up the classroom. His gaze was into the monitor but then in no time, something called him over. A feeling for an agnostic, an instinct for an atheist It’s just different words for different people but Adithya couldn’t figure out what it was for him as before he figured out he turned to her and BAM. Eye Contact.

Idha dhaane ethirpaathenga. Kavala padaathenga. Inga twist laam illa.

She saw. She smiled. He smiled. She turned back. He didn’t. His emotion was as narrow as a North Chennai Street. The cinema behind the world stopping, waves crashing over rocks and not feeling pain when a girl sees you is the worst philosophy any 19 year old guy can believe in. None of that showbiz happenned. His friend beside him was still playing PUBG, the guy who was taking class(feel sorry for him really) was still trying to make 10 percent of the class listen to him. Rajinikanth still didn’t stop making films. Our Prime Minister was still nowhere near visiting Tamil Nadu. None of this changed but for Adithya. I guess the illusion was just the modified truth rather than on paper. Everything was still the same. It’s just that none of it mattered to him.

Lunch breaks approached faster. But lunches were slow. Conversation topics ranged from TamBrahm Culture to Celebrity Weddings. Adithya tried to measure every single word of his but couldn’t stop the flow when it comes to her. Sometimes it overflows, sometimes it’s a perfect scoop but nevertheless both were heartwarming, intuitive and coupled with a feeling he’s not going to feel against another person for a long long time.

She felt like home. That’s who she was.

“ஏன் தண்டனை. நான் இங்கே வாழ்வதும்.”

With all this happening on one side, the calculative face behind his own had his own emotion questioned. After all, Adithya was a self aware, practical person. Margazhi was barely a month old in his life. Yes, she was magic. Probably the greatest trick he saw but is it her playing a trick on him or his mind playing a trick on him? How can he expect any of this to last. She’s more of a mirage than magic. It comes and goes and no one can do anything about it.

Unmai kasakka dhaan seyyum. Thalaivar epdi keppaar. Kizhichaan.

All he heeded about was instantaneous happiness. And he was way too happy now. “I would rather fly in my dream than cease in reality” is something he believed in since ages. Life hasn’t challenged him with harsh reality yet. But for now, there was no space for pessimism. The trick ends, the magic doesn’t. Adithya has a relationship that most people hate to have. He was standing on a very thin line between an extremely beautiful friendship and something more. Whatever followed that was a question mark. Is this in for a change? They don’t know.

“ஒரே ஞாபகம்…”

“Ava apdi dhaan. Thirunthara maari idea illa” Adithya said with a straight face. He didn’t like talking about other girls to people. It’s something that he finds very unnecessary but he has no idea why girls savour it.

“Edhukku avala pathi pesittu. Namma vaazhkai eh inga fun ah poguthu” Margazhi mocked.

“Namma vaazhkai ku enna korachal. Nalla dhaane irukkom. Jolly ah irukkom. Exam vantha padikrom. Naal full ah pesardhukku nee irukka…” said Adithya.

Classic mess up. Vazhakkam pola olarittaan. Manasukku vanthatha light ah control panni pesu da deii

“Nalla irukku laaaaa. Ipdiye prechana illama kadaisi varaikkum irunthuttaa evlo nalla irukkum….”

Wait. Plot twist. Enna nadanthuthu inga. Avalum kooda sernthu olarra la illana bodhai la irukka la? dei otha onnume purila da

Brilliant Curveball from the opposition. Now this guy is completely dumbstruck. His Mathematics centum isn’t helping him to solve this problem. He remembers the nights where he didn’t know how to reply to a “good night” message and he has no idea what the fuck he should do now.

“Kadaisi varaikkum irukkuma?” asked Adi. For now, he just didn’t want this talk to go fit inside a niche. It’s like a kid not wanting his bedtime story to end. This time literally.

“Yen? irukkaadha?” Margazhi asked back.

None of Adithya’s questions were answered. Infact it was replied with more questions as answers. But never has he been more contented with a conversation ever in his life till now.

“காதல் காயம் நேரும் போது தூக்கம் இங்கு ஏது.”

It is conversations like these that makes people believe in the existence of love. Love is just a token of hope between 2 souls that conversations like these will happen again. May be a year later, may be tomorrow. Until then, if they are uncomplaining of each other’s simple ways of life and conscious enough to not decay their identity in the course of time, they wait. We also wait.

“ஒரே ஞாபகம்…”

to be continued.

En Vazhi, Avar vazhi – A young boy and his Thalaivar

October 1 2010. School declared holiday and I was all set up in Perumbakkam for the day, right when my Uncle told me that he had got tickets for Endhiran FDFS in Devi Paradise. I was a low key Rajini Fanboy by then. Science Fiction wasn’t really a tamil cinema thing at that time, but there was exceeding hype about Aishwarya Rai being in a tamil project and Irumbile Oru Idhayam & Arima Arima were being played in Suryan FM every 2 songs (Sun Pictures film dawww). I got excited like any other kid would, went all the way from OMR to Anna Salai just to watch the film. The movie was a delight to any 11 year old. Chitti ran, flew, wrote exams, danced, cooked a Vegas style all-you-can-eat buffet for fuck sake! But the thing was, that theatre wasn’t filled with 11 year olds. Every single person in the theatre, be it a college going guy or an grand dad old enough to have been in the freedom struggle erupted every second Rajinikanth appeared on screen and I was dumbstruck by what I saw. It was this moment, where I saw myself standing in front of a Devi Theatre Screen which belonged to a person who was much larger than it. Endhiran went on to become the highest grossing film of Indian Cinema at that time and my contribution was 360 bucks (I saw the film thrice in the theatres) and an everlasting feeling of awe on Rajinikanth.

22 July 2016. I watched Kabali on the first day again and the minute the film ended, I recognised the same people in the theatres in a dilemma wondering whether they liked what they spent time on. I loved what I witnessed but I wasn’t very sure of everyone liking it as they don’t see Rajinikanth the way I see. By then since Endhiran, he made an animation film which was a tragedy, an amazingly rare crappy commerical film and went and came back from Singapore a million times for a liver issue. The release of Kabali was a trigger in people’s minds thinking about the end days of a superstar. The sunset of what has been an amazing day but still, a sunset.

Yesterday morning, I kickstarted my bike to go to Rohini Theatres to watch 2.0 FDFS with my mother (Probably, the biggest thalaivar Fan I know on Earth). And it weirdly reminded me of the time I went on to watch Endhiran 8 years back. A lot of things has happened in my life since then. I gained a shitload of knowledge, passed out of school, fell in love, learnt to hate people, had my heartbroken (Alexa, play Aambalaikkum Pomabalaikkum from Kazhugu) but the kid in me never died. Watching 2.0 in 3D was my dream from the day the film was announced. The only difference was that the expectations were a lot lesser after an animation overload trailer and a sub average video song release but I kept my hopes high. 3 hours later, I don’t know if it was the best film I’ve watched but definitely the greatest. Every single frame was a Director Shankar masterstroke joined with the well capable Nirav Shah to put together the best visuals anyone could see for an Indian film. Rahman is back to his belligerent best with Resul Pookutty for breathtaking sounds that God never knew about. 2.0 is a win-win.

But for me, 2.0 was one man. The ‘rebirth’ as the critics are calling it. All these years, there have been very few things that I never gave up on. My life is still guided by his words from “Maatram Ondru dhaan Maarathathu”. When it gave me a hit, he made me punch my way back. If I am sad (right now, surprisingly a lot of times), he asked me to be happy about what I have and got me up. This is his victory and how could I not be a part of it? I’ve come a long way from shouting for his entry and dancing with him to tunes. Right now, I am savouring it. Every single scene of his is a Rahul Dravid front foot defence in a Shane Warne ball. There is nothing wrong with it. He just can’t go wrong. He knew to fast walk in to the screen, he knew how to talk his dialogues with a finesse that lived on for about 170 films now and more than anything, he knew how to inspire. And 2.0 is just him telling “otha naa engayume pogala. Ingaye dhaan irukken. Ippo sollunga da paapom” to everyone who thought they took him down. The Rajinikanth I awed over almost a decade back, went on to teach me the biggest life lesson of all time. It’s not your mistake if life puts you down but it certainly is your mistake if you choose to stay there. Yes, there will be sunsets. But it sets just to rise again the next day isn’t it?

This isn’t his best acting performance. It is far from his best actually. Some scenes were tacky and artificial because Dr. Vaseegaran’s character depth was used in full force in it’s prequel itself and some scenes were a makeup frenzy but who cares? I still do not know how I would explain the concept of ‘Rajinism‘ to my north Indian friends. I don’t think people get the idea of a larger than life figure just stocking you with unequalled amounts of positivity and I am not betting on them to get it either. It comes with years of worshipping a man who basically did nothing but make us happy without expectations which is exactly how we should live, happy without expectations. Call him aged, say he ruined his career by entering politics, call him grandpa lover, call him a marathi hence anti-tamilan or anything you can. But when you see “Superstar Rajni” spell out before the opening of his movie and you didn’t lose your shit, sorry man I can’t define what you are going through in life.

Cinema, Life and Rajinikanth was how I wanted to title this but later I realised that all 3 are the same to me. I am bad at ending these write ups. So I am just going to quote my mom on this line which she said to some random web channel which interviewed us in front of the theatre yesterday.

“50 varsham kazhichi innoru Superstar irunthaalum irupparunga. Aana orey oru Rajini dhaan.”