A glimpse into the mind of the greatest optimist in the world.

Hi. I again forgot how to do this. So whatever you are going to be reading is every thought wandering over the edges of every neuron of my mind because I want to experiment on myself by trying to completely reflect my brain into words and see how if it really gives me an inference. So there is bound to be a lot of ‘I’s and ‘me’s and other first person words featured in the same because I’m talking about myself and essentially this is my blog poda.

Yeah. So forgive me for what I’ve said in Infinity and Beyond about 2020 is going to be YOUR year if you make it so if you want to continue the high tide or even start over as a new leaf. The year started on so many things and could have been much more but then it decided to brutally fuck us in our ass for all we’ve enjoyed (seri naa santhoshama irunthen. Podhuma). I particularly thought it was a periodic thing and there will certainly be an epiphany where the world will feel beautiful one fine day (because it always happens. Always) but that epiphany never came and the situation just became bad to worst to worsest worst. Now, floating amidst June trying to create sanity out of nothing except loneliness and lot of home made chocolate cake, god rolls dice again to get a straight flush.

For starters, there was a pandemic outside and the memory of my physical being in the warmth and chaos of a crowded Chennai Street ended in February (cha I miss February. enna ennamo nadanthurkalaam). For the next 4 months, what should have been a roller coaster of emotions on an average year chose to take the form of that Amusement park ride which just goes up and falls and we lose our shit. The city/country/rest of the world never returned back to normalcy but there was a hope call every 10 days making the concept of hope null and void. My productivity was going to trash except that I watched 3 films a day and hated myself for it. There were equality riots on the other hemisphere which reminded us that a virus is still a much better death machine than other humans. Someone who we all looked up to died, and then sometime later, again someone who we all looked up to died. And we were fed up with the world and chose to take it out on social media making life pathetic for us and everyone around us.

Sigh such a nutjob of a year.

But here’s where I want to come in. It is suddenly realisation season now and I have started deciphering answers one at a time. With respect to daily activities, I’m trying my best but mentally? What is the answer to overthinking about a long impending doomed society which is nothing short of what George Orwell wrote in 1984? I thought this might help. Optimism and this article.

As you would already know, (if you had read the previous stuff from this “secret stash” or if you know me in person duh) I’m largely an optimistic person. It is what I consider as a driving force of my life and it is what that makes me a big talking ball of sustainable energy. I’ll start by defining what is Optimism. If you google it, Google defines the word as “hopefulness and confidence about the future or the success of something.” Google is absolutely right. I was convinced, a very simple definition for a very simple expression of mind. Until. I reached 18 years of age and joined college. Life dropped a nuclear bomb called reality and made me question whatever I believe in. The thing with nuclear bombs is that it wipes out everything for you, and you start as a clean slate. But still there are traces of radiation called self doubt and indecisiveness here and there. You would want to validate yourself everytime because you afraid about making mistakes. Knowing that this time it is going to cost you. But all that aside, they are just chapters of my story. Everyone has their own story believing in positivity. Their own struggle.

The biggest problem on this really buoyant approach to life doesn’t come in forms unseen. It’s just questions. The greatest weapon of destruction of yourself is still yourself (I’m watching too many World War 2 documentaries) When you always want to think ahead of the line, the human brain considers one of 2 things happening – either you keep finding out answers for your questions or your brain goes well into overdrive and you lose control. But what the brain doesn’t realise is that this statement is a paradox. Your mind is just like a rubber band. If you don’t quench your own thirst to ask questions, your mind always goes above the Young’s modulus to answer them. And at this really elastic state of mind, either you stay in the peak or break into pieces. The fear of breaking is what that drives you out of an ever confident psyche.

Seri indha maathiri puriyaama dhaan pesitu irukka poriya.

Idhenna pramatham. idha vida pesal item onnu irukku.

Talking about the brain and minds can be confusing for a person who’s reading it. (Even though, I think I’m the only person who is going to read it until this part atleast.) Because it is after all my mind I’m talking about. But to simplify my context to myself, I’m going to have a conversation with myself, putting myself in all kinds of different perspectives of people and answer all my questions. Some trippy shit. But it always helps to stand in someone else’s shoes and look at yourself from a different set of eyes. So here’s me demystifying myself.

Q :- First things first. Why are you doing this to yourself. How alone are you in Lockdown.

A :- Very very alone you have no idea how much it got to me. But I’m doing this to myself because it’s semma fun hehe. It’s like playing chess with yourself. The human brain never fails to surprise and I thought as I’m penning it down, I’ll pull off a surprise to myself somewhere.

Q :- First what is positivity nu solra. Adhuve I can’t figure out how I can get it.

A :- It’s simple da. The ability to think that you are going to be fine and can get through the tide against a rationally right and a non-argumental statement is called positivity. Atleast that’s where it all starts. There is no recorded source of positivity. Some say it is contagious. So you see a positive person, either it just ottifies from them or you start hating them. The axiom of human judgement. Both are equally probable to happen.

Q :- Won’t the ability to think that you can get through a rationally right and non argumental statement make you a dumbfuck because the opposite argument is rationally right?

A :- Asking the right questions. Yes. All Optimistic people are borderline dumbfucks. We search for the dark clouds on a sunny day because we like the rain so much. But the difference between 2 sides here isn’t logic or critical thinking, it is only about what makes you happy. The pure harmless joy that you want to experience or your resilience for it chooses you to make a decision that would make you feel more confident and secure. The confidence can be damaged ofcourse but hey what’s the point of confidence if it doesn’t have an immune system?

Q :- What is the first step to make me feel that joy? What happens if I don’t?

A :- The first step is that you shouldn’t shy away from making decisions. Or being polarizing anywhere in that matter. In the world, there are so many factors that would make you take grey decisions, but what really matters is that it should always be black or white inside your mind. “I don’t know” is the worst 3 word phrase I’ve ever encountered in my life. You really know a lot more about a person when he/she says I dont know to a question about themselves than a person who doesn’t get the question. If you choose the wrong answer by mistake, pat yourself, remind yourself that you never make the same mistake again and go forward. It’s like Temple Run. You just keep running even if you trip. The first time you hit a log and want to take rest, the fear of losing is going to catch up to you and gobble you up. Fear of failure is a greater suppressant than failure itself.

Question :- Optimism and it’s fear laam ok. But if you understand that this fear is only causing all the problems, you can take it out no da saambrani.

Answer :- Neeye ivlo yosikkum bodhu na yosikka maatena. This apprehension over a negative thought is what that makes you mortal. The theory of optimism is not completely disintegrating the fright over negativity but rather just putting it behind you and focus on the better substance. Your life is a stage and you are the playwright who gets control of lighting. You plan red, blue and yellow for scenes but if one of the actors fuck up, it is still in your capacity to black them out for the audience because you can’t move from your position to throw them away from the stage.

Q :- You are a jackass

A :- Thanks. Happy to help.

Question :- Don’t you think it is practically impossible to stay optimistic in all situations of life?

Answer :- 200 percent. That is why I say that the opposite of optimism isn’t pessimism. It is realism. Your urge for your daily dose of positivity will drop dead when you think realistically. Creativity, Imagination, Dreaming are all words that are often romanticised with this ideology because it is really nice to talk about. I’ll let you in on a secret. There’s something better. Expectation. The magic word behind all human happiness and sorrow. Lower your expectations, your dream run is going to get better and better (or it may stay the same but you may just feel better but you’ll never know the difference *wink*)

Q :- But aren’t you contradicting yourself here? If your dream run gets better, that again leads to the vicious cycle of increased expectations. This is just a recipe for you to break like a coconut on emotional trauma da.

A :- First part is definitely true. When something bad happens in your life, ground zero is a definite revival place but when things are going good, your expectations will obviously accelerate without you handling the stick. But then, it’s in the future only no.

The first of the 2 easiest/best/damage free ways to handle expectations is to not look forward into the future unseen by man. It is a blackhole. You may understand how to bend time there or even get answers about the origin of life. But what is the point in knowing when you can’t return back to let your conscience know. Taking one day at a time is a very dreamy subject. We can’t go through lunch without thinking of tomorrow’s breakfast or the film that you are going to watch on Sunday or much more difficult questions like will I remain single for eternity. But the idea is to take exceptions of a few questions and put up a controlled setting of amnesia in your mind. Everytime you think about the future, it goes to an endless spiral and to be honest, it is impossible not to think about it. But if your second question is permanently fixed at “Does this NEED to be on my mind right now”, I think 90 percent of your problem is solved. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t care about your past. A wise man once said, “The best way to live in the present is to create your future depend on what you learnt from your past but not what it may affect in the future” Hi. I’m wise man.

Q :- And the second way?

A :- Here’s where the brother in arms of my man Expectation, Mr. Acceptance comes in. When your expectation is low, you would automatically filter out the world that you would want to see. The rest feels like just feedback and probably very very pathetically constructed. It is true. Your eyes don’t lie here. The world is an absolute shitshow and the faster you accept it, the better. But your optimism depends upon the world you create today, not the one created 40 million years ago. Your world may have 4 people or 40 people or on days you alone sitting on a beach without any need for human interaction (self reference poda) that you decide but if you think something is worthy enough to be an element of YOUR world, it means that this is where you are going to find perennial happiness. Understand them. Take care of them. Not every single person here in this pathetic place is blessed with whatever they ask but I’m sure they are blessed a mind for themselves to think and people to understand. These blessings are like your kidneys, even if one doesn’t work, the other compensated for it and tries as much as possible to get it back to work.

Q :- I love you

A :- Not technically a question but I love you too daw.

Q :- Ennada neeye unakke I love you sollikura

A :- Vera yaarum solla maatrangale 😦

Hehe, jokes apart the foundation of the entire theory is self love only. Not to be confused with self centering or a superior form of self obsession. Self love. It’s not about singing poetry about yourself. It is about not going hard on your life when something goes wrong. Life is difficult. It’s not a surprise. And when you ACCEPT this fact and you don’t keep EXPECTING a butterwalk everytime, may be who knows, that is when life may choose to surprise you! double wink (Previous references check)

Q :- So now what should I do? I understand what you said but I can’t change myself no?

A :- No. Don’t change yourself. I’m the last man to tell someone to change themselves for my sake. But what someone needs to do always is to have an open mind to learn about them. I agree that I don’t have say in your opinions but if this article makes you open up to your mind to a littlest of things that you haven’t really thought of and promote discussion, that is my win. So even if you don’t accept, nothing wrong in learning that people like this also exist in the same world you live in. Everything is just a step in the process of unlatching your doors to take on the vigour of the outside. Because at that time, being happy with what you are matters. More than anything.

Q :- What should I do now? Enakku onnume purila.

A :- Onnum panna vendaam. Poi kai adichitu paduthu thoongu.