Hi. I again forgot how to do this. So whatever you are going to be reading is every thought wandering over the edges of every neuron of my mind because I want to experiment on myself by trying to completely reflect my brain into words and see how if it really gives me an inference. So there is bound to be a lot of ‘I’s and ‘me’s and other first person words featured in the same because I’m talking about myself and essentially this is my blog poda.

Yeah. So forgive me for what I’ve said in Infinity and Beyond about 2020 is going to be YOUR year if you make it so if you want to continue the high tide or even start over as a new leaf. The year started on so many things and could have been much more but then it decided to brutally fuck us in our ass for all we’ve enjoyed (seri naa santhoshama irunthen. Podhuma). I particularly thought it was a periodic thing and there will certainly be an epiphany where the world will feel beautiful one fine day (because it always happens. Always) but that epiphany never came and the situation just became bad to worst to worsest worst. Now, floating amidst June trying to create sanity out of nothing except loneliness and lot of home made chocolate cake, god rolls dice again to get a straight flush.

For starters, there was a pandemic outside and the memory of my physical being in the warmth and chaos of a crowded Chennai Street ended in February (cha I miss February. enna ennamo nadanthurkalaam). For the next 4 months, what should have been a roller coaster of emotions on an average year chose to take the form of that Amusement park ride which just goes up and falls and we lose our shit. The city/country/rest of the world never returned back to normalcy but there was a hope call every 10 days making the concept of hope null and void. My productivity was going to trash except that I watched 3 films a day and hated myself for it. There were equality riots on the other hemisphere which reminded us that a virus is still a much better death machine than other humans. Someone who we all looked up to died, and then sometime later, again someone who we all looked up to died. And we were fed up with the world and chose to take it out on social media making life pathetic for us and everyone around us.

Sigh such a nutjob of a year.

But here’s where I want to come in. It is suddenly realisation season now and I have started deciphering answers one at a time. With respect to daily activities, I’m trying my best but mentally? What is the answer to overthinking about a long impending doomed society which is nothing short of what George Orwell wrote in 1984? I thought this might help. Optimism and this article.

As you would already know, (if you had read the previous stuff from this “secret stash” or if you know me in person duh) I’m largely an optimistic person. It is what I consider as a driving force of my life and it is what that makes me a big talking ball of sustainable energy. I’ll start by defining what is Optimism. If you google it, Google defines the word as “hopefulness and confidence about the future or the success of something.” Google is absolutely right. I was convinced, a very simple definition for a very simple expression of mind. Until. I reached 18 years of age and joined college. Life dropped a nuclear bomb called reality and made me question whatever I believe in. The thing with nuclear bombs is that it wipes out everything for you, and you start as a clean slate. But still there are traces of radiation called self doubt and indecisiveness here and there. You would want to validate yourself everytime because you afraid about making mistakes. Knowing that this time it is going to cost you. But all that aside, they are just chapters of my story. Everyone has their own story believing in positivity. Their own struggle.

The biggest problem on this really buoyant approach to life doesn’t come in forms unseen. It’s just questions. The greatest weapon of destruction of yourself is still yourself (I’m watching too many World War 2 documentaries) When you always want to think ahead of the line, the human brain considers one of 2 things happening – either you keep finding out answers for your questions or your brain goes well into overdrive and you lose control. But what the brain doesn’t realise is that this statement is a paradox. Your mind is just like a rubber band. If you don’t quench your own thirst to ask questions, your mind always goes above the Young’s modulus to answer them. And at this really elastic state of mind, either you stay in the peak or break into pieces. The fear of breaking is what that drives you out of an ever confident psyche.

Seri indha maathiri puriyaama dhaan pesitu irukka poriya.

Idhenna pramatham. idha vida pesal item onnu irukku.

Talking about the brain and minds can be confusing for a person who’s reading it. (Even though, I think I’m the only person who is going to read it until this part atleast.) Because it is after all my mind I’m talking about. But to simplify my context to myself, I’m going to have a conversation with myself, putting myself in all kinds of different perspectives of people and answer all my questions. Some trippy shit. But it always helps to stand in someone else’s shoes and look at yourself from a different set of eyes. So here’s me demystifying myself.

Q :- First things first. Why are you doing this to yourself. How alone are you in Lockdown.

A :- Very very alone you have no idea how much it got to me. But I’m doing this to myself because it’s semma fun hehe. It’s like playing chess with yourself. The human brain never fails to surprise and I thought as I’m penning it down, I’ll pull off a surprise to myself somewhere.

Q :- First what is positivity nu solra. Adhuve I can’t figure out how I can get it.

A :- It’s simple da. The ability to think that you are going to be fine and can get through the tide against a rationally right and a non-argumental statement is called positivity. Atleast that’s where it all starts. There is no recorded source of positivity. Some say it is contagious. So you see a positive person, either it just ottifies from them or you start hating them. The axiom of human judgement. Both are equally probable to happen.

Q :- Won’t the ability to think that you can get through a rationally right and non argumental statement make you a dumbfuck because the opposite argument is rationally right?

A :- Asking the right questions. Yes. All Optimistic people are borderline dumbfucks. We search for the dark clouds on a sunny day because we like the rain so much. But the difference between 2 sides here isn’t logic or critical thinking, it is only about what makes you happy. The pure harmless joy that you want to experience or your resilience for it chooses you to make a decision that would make you feel more confident and secure. The confidence can be damaged ofcourse but hey what’s the point of confidence if it doesn’t have an immune system?

Q :- What is the first step to make me feel that joy? What happens if I don’t?

A :- The first step is that you shouldn’t shy away from making decisions. Or being polarizing anywhere in that matter. In the world, there are so many factors that would make you take grey decisions, but what really matters is that it should always be black or white inside your mind. “I don’t know” is the worst 3 word phrase I’ve ever encountered in my life. You really know a lot more about a person when he/she says I dont know to a question about themselves than a person who doesn’t get the question. If you choose the wrong answer by mistake, pat yourself, remind yourself that you never make the same mistake again and go forward. It’s like Temple Run. You just keep running even if you trip. The first time you hit a log and want to take rest, the fear of losing is going to catch up to you and gobble you up. Fear of failure is a greater suppressant than failure itself.

Question :- Optimism and it’s fear laam ok. But if you understand that this fear is only causing all the problems, you can take it out no da saambrani.

Answer :- Neeye ivlo yosikkum bodhu na yosikka maatena. This apprehension over a negative thought is what that makes you mortal. The theory of optimism is not completely disintegrating the fright over negativity but rather just putting it behind you and focus on the better substance. Your life is a stage and you are the playwright who gets control of lighting. You plan red, blue and yellow for scenes but if one of the actors fuck up, it is still in your capacity to black them out for the audience because you can’t move from your position to throw them away from the stage.

Q :- You are a jackass

A :- Thanks. Happy to help.

Question :- Don’t you think it is practically impossible to stay optimistic in all situations of life?

Answer :- 200 percent. That is why I say that the opposite of optimism isn’t pessimism. It is realism. Your urge for your daily dose of positivity will drop dead when you think realistically. Creativity, Imagination, Dreaming are all words that are often romanticised with this ideology because it is really nice to talk about. I’ll let you in on a secret. There’s something better. Expectation. The magic word behind all human happiness and sorrow. Lower your expectations, your dream run is going to get better and better (or it may stay the same but you may just feel better but you’ll never know the difference *wink*)

Q :- But aren’t you contradicting yourself here? If your dream run gets better, that again leads to the vicious cycle of increased expectations. This is just a recipe for you to break like a coconut on emotional trauma da.

A :- First part is definitely true. When something bad happens in your life, ground zero is a definite revival place but when things are going good, your expectations will obviously accelerate without you handling the stick. But then, it’s in the future only no.

The first of the 2 easiest/best/damage free ways to handle expectations is to not look forward into the future unseen by man. It is a blackhole. You may understand how to bend time there or even get answers about the origin of life. But what is the point in knowing when you can’t return back to let your conscience know. Taking one day at a time is a very dreamy subject. We can’t go through lunch without thinking of tomorrow’s breakfast or the film that you are going to watch on Sunday or much more difficult questions like will I remain single for eternity. But the idea is to take exceptions of a few questions and put up a controlled setting of amnesia in your mind. Everytime you think about the future, it goes to an endless spiral and to be honest, it is impossible not to think about it. But if your second question is permanently fixed at “Does this NEED to be on my mind right now”, I think 90 percent of your problem is solved. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t care about your past. A wise man once said, “The best way to live in the present is to create your future depend on what you learnt from your past but not what it may affect in the future” Hi. I’m wise man.

Q :- And the second way?

A :- Here’s where the brother in arms of my man Expectation, Mr. Acceptance comes in. When your expectation is low, you would automatically filter out the world that you would want to see. The rest feels like just feedback and probably very very pathetically constructed. It is true. Your eyes don’t lie here. The world is an absolute shitshow and the faster you accept it, the better. But your optimism depends upon the world you create today, not the one created 40 million years ago. Your world may have 4 people or 40 people or on days you alone sitting on a beach without any need for human interaction (self reference poda) that you decide but if you think something is worthy enough to be an element of YOUR world, it means that this is where you are going to find perennial happiness. Understand them. Take care of them. Not every single person here in this pathetic place is blessed with whatever they ask but I’m sure they are blessed a mind for themselves to think and people to understand. These blessings are like your kidneys, even if one doesn’t work, the other compensated for it and tries as much as possible to get it back to work.

Q :- I love you

A :- Not technically a question but I love you too daw.

Q :- Ennada neeye unakke I love you sollikura

A :- Vera yaarum solla maatrangale 😦

Hehe, jokes apart the foundation of the entire theory is self love only. Not to be confused with self centering or a superior form of self obsession. Self love. It’s not about singing poetry about yourself. It is about not going hard on your life when something goes wrong. Life is difficult. It’s not a surprise. And when you ACCEPT this fact and you don’t keep EXPECTING a butterwalk everytime, may be who knows, that is when life may choose to surprise you! double wink (Previous references check)

Q :- So now what should I do? I understand what you said but I can’t change myself no?

A :- No. Don’t change yourself. I’m the last man to tell someone to change themselves for my sake. But what someone needs to do always is to have an open mind to learn about them. I agree that I don’t have say in your opinions but if this article makes you open up to your mind to a littlest of things that you haven’t really thought of and promote discussion, that is my win. So even if you don’t accept, nothing wrong in learning that people like this also exist in the same world you live in. Everything is just a step in the process of unlatching your doors to take on the vigour of the outside. Because at that time, being happy with what you are matters. More than anything.

Q :- What should I do now? Enakku onnume purila.

A :- Onnum panna vendaam. Poi kai adichitu paduthu thoongu.

Disclaimer :- This is not a review of the movie. This is the review of my experience of watching the movie. Spoilers ahead.

There was so much Thappad talk on Twitter for all its hype in the last 3 days due to its OTT release. Some people were shook by it. Some people not really. But it created a necessary stir because of the topic talked about, so I decided to see for what its worth myself.

For reasons, when it comes to women centric movies which spoke to the audience on a more social context, I tend to get very nihilistic. In movies like these, I can perceive the complete essence of the movie only with the society and civilization’s reaction. The story would have been told in a very convincing manner and everything would have fallen in place inside a film but when it steps to the point beyond entertainment, the audience are expected to ideate on what the film gave and induct it into the way we see the world. Sadly in India, all these jargon is forgotten when a person steps outside the cinema hall. A socially relevant film still lies as “just a film” with a social message because that’s the “trend” now. And how much ever the idea of women rights and the hardships of women is inclined into our minds with quality filmmaking, it never seems to have an effect of what is happening today. And with time, where we should be getting real stories of how these reel stories changed their lives, all that we are getting is new issues to wake up to and another movie genre to exploit.

These are all the things that were running in my mind parallelly when I was trying to find Thappad on Prime Video. But 2 hours later, I was trying to comprehend everything into words and write this because I didn’t want to take this movie for just another Lockdown timepass one. Imagine a magician in front of you. Performing a card trick where you expect him to identify the card that you chose because that’s what all magicians do. But instead, if he digs into the hat of an audience and pulls out a bunny from it which says what card you chose, you’ll know that this is not just another regular street magician. That was Thappad to me. I knew the trick but I didn’t expect the deception that came with it. With time into Indian Cinema and Bollywood, we’ve been forced to think in a certain way and have expectations with such movies even before the title card appears. With Thappad, it was about a legal battle on Domestic Violence. An issue that is under scrutiny for years but is never really talked about in mainstream cinema. And this lies in the middle of the constellation whereas we subconsciously jigsaw the other things. A very strong woman subdued and attacked by assholes in her life. The way in which the society cringes at the life of the protagonist because she’s different from the world. And the film ends with her winning freedom via a public system and how males will be males whatever happens, indirectly antagonising the entire gender. This is the stuff that we expect and has worked upside down in Bollywood. The best part of Thappad is that it didn’t try to break this idea. But it made us believe that the same pointers can be spread to the world with a hint of positivity. It’s the same biriyani but with an unnaturally and surprisingly fresh breath of air.

The film was advertised on a single slap. The title of the movie was Thappad for fuck sake. The trailers said so about how Amritha was slapped and a divorce was underway. 30 minutes before the climax segment started I realised, the film had nothing to do with the slap. It talked about something much bigger than a single slap. Things about how love when lost is an irreversible reaction. About the definition of an independent woman doesn’t necessarily mean that she fights alone. About the importance of family during times of self-crisis. About a man doing something morally wrong even though ethically it doesn’t make a difference and to my surprise, correcting himself. So many things that my brain couldn’t process in a single watch. Forget the idea of a legal battle, the film didn’t even go to court! The legal point of view was just another setup to introduce another woman of the film (The women of Thappad is a seperate topic of discussion in itself.) Thappad for me was never about the slap. It was just the trigger that made Amritha realise the world she was a part of. A trigger for nothing but plot movement. The little things which came after the slap forms what we have to see. Little things like how the “independent stable man” to the society is dependent on someone else for the smallest things. Little things like how a word of apology and the virtue of time is important in a relationship. The film acknowledged the fact that there are people among all of us who think they are the only person in their world, at the same time, didn’t try to criminalise them for it and I’m honestly shook by the clarity of which it was presented. It never tried shove any of this into our throats for us to understand. Half of these didn’t even make its way into the dialogues. They were just sprinkled all over the screenplay for us to read between the lines.

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Another beautiful idea to ponder upon was how the characters were written. Amritha was the center point of the movie. Yes. But never the lead. Surprised for a film which had a single face in all its promotional posters. The film didn’t forcefully hyperlink the characters. Everyone were in a different setup facing different problems of the different weights. There was Amrita’s mother in law who was tussling with herself on whether to be a mother to her son or a self-respecting woman to her daughter in law. Her father who just realised that every woman was bound to make a sacrifice, even his own wife and took efforts to come to peace with it. The depth that arrived with the characters didn’t come through an explanation by a third party. It came through a single scene, a reaction or a conversation. Nethra was found to be a free spirited woman when she opened her car window and let the wind over her face. Rohit’s personality was understood with his first dialogue when he mentioned that he was the reason for his wife’s achievements. Sunita’s nature of relationship with her husband was decoded only with the way how he didn’t let her hold him on a cycle. I could go on and on and on but I’ll just be stating the obvious. Every single conflict inside and between the characters was milked in a way that the film always made sure the story laid within the people of film. It never looked like it was dealing with a social issue because it didn’t break a wall and try to preach us. It’s a very thin line. This was fiction and it ended as fiction. But fiction that satisfied the virtuously upright human being inside us.

And by the final act, it made sure every character got justice to who they played. Justice not according to the Indian Judicial System. Justice through the mistakes of life. The movie inadvertently advocated that if you realise that you are a cause of a problem that you face in your life, the problem is your punishment. And with life there’s always scope for betterment. The point of realisation is where you decide if you want traverse in the same path again or learn from it and start afresh. Vikram knew where he went wrong with due time. And you can feel the change when he’s blurred in the background after the divorce, looking at Amrita drive her car home, something that he didn’t allow his wife to do so. Sunita was dancing in her own home to her own tunes without anyone’s permission. Without anyone expecting her to earn for the family. That’s what she wished for. This is what Thappad stands for me as. A case study that paves way for the ideal world of tomorrow, where no person of this world is able enough to deprive another person’s wish to be happy and respected.

Disclaimer. Long. Very long. Bigil Second half. Then comes this post. Read at your own risk. Apram don’t say gommale ivan romba pesuraan da. Asingama keppen.

Hi, Hello and Good morning/afternoon/evening/midnight to all my beloved readers (mostly just me when I’m facing a difficult time or around the same November next year). Hope you guys are doing fine. It has been a long time since I’ve come back to blogging so I’ve forgotten how to do this. This will always be my go to hobby when I’m not feeling alright about everything in my life so please pray to god that I don’t do it actively.

Seri ippo enna ezhavukku inga vanthurka nu ketaa I shall tell. It has been almost a year since I started this amazing af website for myself in a very very terrible state of mind. Right now, 6 blog posts including a fuckall turnaround real life trilogy story series later (joke is on you if you thought it was fiction. Only the ending was). I’ve finally reached a place where I could finally say that this blog is a beautiful part of my life now and I will always remember the good out of the fucked up times for the last year with these write ups. Life has only got better from there. Atleast that’s what I feel.

dei appo enna mayithukku thirippi ezhuthura. Solren da yabba. So reminiscing everything back, life (or mostly my urupadaatha overthinking brain) is giving me an illusion that I haven’t grown up since last year. 2019 until now was a distinction year in my life. In the long run, it always just got better and better far and wide. Of course there was a rough patch now and then 3 months once but I’ve learnt my best lessons from those times and not doing those mistakes again. (and a couple of sabathams) Atleast that’s what I feel as a difference between any guy and a clever guy is. A clever guy makes a mistake only once. So 330 days later, this blog post is a commomeration of how this year went by in very random but not so random narratives. An impromptu sequel to 2018. Thank you, next in which I’m going to write whatever I think of when I look back on what my stupid ass heart (now and then brain) learnt.

Only losers believe in luck nu one guy will say. Mark that fellow. And talk to him after a tremondously fucked up year and a completely opposite year and see what he says. Luck is important da dei. When you leave something to the flow of nature, all you can do is pray that life turns out in a way that you become content with the end of the chapter (not your way, life never turns out your way. It’ll give you a beautiful fuck up in the middle). I’m a person who believes good things happen to people with good hearts. I try to wake up everyday morning with a craving for my Amma’s filter coffee and a fair amount of plain old optimism. This is the secret behind optimism. It’s never overrated. If you live for today, it pushes you to the limit you bend for. And if you fall asleep the night with a frail smile and aspiration for tomorrow to be better than today, it’ll work. And even if it wasn’t better than yesterday, you have another day to live for and try the same. To fight for. To be happy for. As easy as it sounds. Adhuvum work out aagala na there’s always day after tomorrow da dei.

When you love something with all your heart, it’s difficult to let go. Sounds like a cliche but if you think more about why it’s so difficult, it’s because that it has become an integral part of your life. It has become a routine. If it makes you even slightly more happy, why would you try to let it drift away? Being a keeper isn’t a quality of a lover. It is a quality of a human. But letting it go when you feel that the same love starts to make you feel discontented with yourself is the greatest trait you can ever undertake. Love doesn’t stagnate you. It keeps you revolving around the Sun and stars (sometimes Marina Beach and Bessie). And when you grow with it and get to a point where your happiness is independent and isn’t placed upon something else, that is a point where your love wins. It need not be reciprocated (ok who am I kidding. It should be) but it’s enough for a person to realise that when he loves something so much and moves on from it, he may not be doing a mistake. What do you think is the greatest villain to your life? Not that guy you hate in college, not the girl who manipulates people to ruin their lives. It’s doubt. Nothing gets you high more than defeating doubt. I have my own doubts about writing this here. Let’s see if this gets to the final draft (if you are reading it, then yay). So if loving requires being true to yourself, if loving involves respecting the love you talk with such great heart, if loving someone hurts them in the process and the only way to redeem yourself from love is to let go, it is absolutely the right thing to do! You do become a bigger person. (and listening to Alwarpettai Aaluda helps)

Suppose you tell someone something intimate about you, whoever it is, should you feel insecure about it or be thankful that a person who is willing to hear you out exists in your life? Being Vulnerable is never a disadvantage. The problem with today’s world is that the stronghold alpha male with a very fucked up emotional quotient has been romanticized way too much. We are being forced to grow up watching that man through films or shows or in real life. There’s always a Sherlock Holmes or a Harvey Specter or a Bruce Wayne that someone wants to become. That man may be good on paper but practically speaking, the guy is poison. Acceptance is key. Acknowledging your vulnerability and making sure it isn’t the greatest problem in your life is the way to go about it. Nothing wrong in crying about it. Get over the stereotype. What’s wrong in showing a side of yours which is actually making you stronger and resilient? Talk it out to the people in your life who understand you. There’s always someone. An independent person doesn’t mean that he creates his world alone, it means that he’s ready to face it alone even if he has to as worst case scenario. There are much bigger problems you are about to face. You shouldn’t be the biggest one.

When you are doing something that you love but forced to do it under very very difficult circumstances, what do you do? Do you give up on what you love or be the person you hate to be? Every cloud has a silver lining. (first time I’m using this since I learnt it in 3rd std yay). A person facing a challenge in life faces it only to measure himself of the guy he has grown into. There’s no test for this. There’s no buzzfeed quiz for this. Just a practical thrown out to see how much you can bend. Breaking off in the middle is very normal. Get a break. Get out of the world you are forced to be put into. Because when it all ends, you’ll only be laughing at everything that happened. Not as a boy who was in a dilemma to choose between what he wants but as a man (or a woman. I’m feminist bunda) who never gives up on what he stands for.

I’m completing this write up through the last leg of my trip to Bhutan which was the finale to my #ToMakeEachDayCount series. A trip which I expected to be the greatest high I’ll get this year and god knows how, my weird expectations have been met, crashed head on head and is currently sitting on a throne in which it won’t get down from. These words have been written in planes, buses, sub zero temperature nights with so many beautiful people around me who I could gladly call family out and out from my warm tearful heart. For a life changing year, this journey with konjam excessive love is just an approval of destiny that my life is going in the right track. I always think that the best people are not the ones you love but the people who make you love yourself. The people I’ve met made me do this and more than this. Everything in 2 straight weeks of knowing them and lesser with my half baked hindi not seeming like a problem. They for once made me forget about my earphones hanging around my neck and the books that I bought in the Chennai Airport to read if I suddenly become alone. And all I could return them is credit for everything I’ve learnt through this absolute blinder of a journey and a home with amaze balls Tamil Food whenever they come to Chennai.

And the show doesn’t end here. I’ve performed a Bhutanese ritual to tie up a prayer flag in the border town of Phuentsholing to hope we all find what we love in 2020. Right now, I love the little mix of consistence and spontaneity I have now. I love the water in the river to flow as it has always been flowing, not knowing the cliffs or the Brooks or the plunges it is going to but brimming with a zest for life. To anyone reading this, who have come upto this final part of this write up, it means that you love me. And in return, I’ve prayed for you too. You’ll find love like I did. In countless places of your own journey. In words that is afraid to come out of the shadows of your heart. In music that you listen for the first time and fall for in the second time. In films that you rewatch for the 726th time on Amazon Prime. In friends who you could listen to you blab about the concept of destiny at 2 in the night. In instances where you feel the existence of god playing basketball in your life and all you can do is laugh about it. In quite a number of people you meet and ask yourself what have you done to deserve this person. To infinite such things and the road beyond it. And most importantly, yourself. Here’s to hoping 2020.

Theera Ula. Theera Kanaa.
Vishnu Aravind

Happy 2020 🙂

“Somewhere between the heat of Chennai and the warmth of Madras, we all grew up.”

I wrote this line in August last year and I was proud of myself in some weird way. I could summarise the crux of being a Chennaiite within 15 words but it doesn’t end there does it?

I am not the oldest of people. I am turning 20 this year. I’ve not had the pleasure to call many cities as home as this is the only one I’ve been living all my life. Frankly speaking, the right question asked should be how big an impact can a city with 10 million people have on one single person’s life? Where other cities take people to places, how hard is it to find a city which adopts you?
She made me grow up as a person who would end up being pleased about what I’ve become. Her Moonlit beaches helped me sleep, her Margazhi Mornings made me wake up. Be it the streets of Mylapore or the avenues of Anna Nagar, the sweets of Sowcarpet or the fish of Mahabalipuram, the bungalows of Boat Club or the slums of Saidapet, the diversity in this city works in a very different manner. The assortment in culture and tradition in no way affects the name written in out hearts that this city is one and there’s nothing in this world can beat this.

As I said previously, I’ve not lived in any other place at any point of my life. And I know how each of their homes are where their hearts are. This is not Bangalore with a zillion pubs and a slightly less than a zillion cute girls. This is not Delhi where there’s a history to every nook and corner. This isn’t Mumbai – the city of dreams which never lets you sleep. This is more of the place which helps you have a good night’s sleep and wake you up with a filter coffee to live your dreams. Gratitude has always been realising that right now, I have more than enough of what really matters. There is not a day where I’ve not said thank you for this life and I wanted to do something as an ode to this beautiful setting she’s given me. So this is it. I’ve gone crazy Madras-hopping for the last 10 days of 2018 (presumably the best year of my life till now) to capture her at her finest colours. I’ve been very limited in posting these pictures as WordPress allows only 30 MB but for the love I could show, all I can do is to celebrate this city at my own heart’s will by making it proud one day.

Bad at endings again so will be quoting another wise guy who wrote this for a song in a film aptly titled to shout out the gethu associated.

“Enga Ooru Madrasu. Adhukku Naanga dhaane Addressu.”

The city exists. But it’s the people who make the city. We are Madras. I’ll let the pictures do the rest of the talking. Live. Love. Vishnu Aravind.

December has always been remission in my life. I am surrounded by an aura of emptiness this month. My life has always been in the extremes (mostly the happier one) and I am thankful to the amazing people and elements responsible for it. But this the month, probably because its the last month of the year or because of the moody weather or whatever, takes me for a trip of whatever I had gone through all over again, good or bad. I may regret whatever I did or be proud of it but the inference is that, this is the time which helps me grow, think as a more rational person (sometime overthink), helps me lose the normal optimistic attitude I am always in and gets me to a point where I’ll be happy with whatever life throws me at.

One fine evening, after college which sucks by the way now due to too many reasons (attendance, exams, the effort I need to take to see a couple of people…), I am at home sipping on the world’s best filter coffee and thinking about everything that happened this year. I would not be exaggerating if I say that 2018 has been the best/worst year in my life till now. I’ve not been this happy about things in any other year or I haven’t cried in any other year like this one. I lost friends and got amazing new ones, my heart and brain battled against each other on a person who I think changed my life this year (I need to write a whole article on her). I had times where I was dead lonely and also times where I had 20 people who gave their time for me expecting nothing in return. I got people who said “avan ethukku inga irukkan” and also people saying “avan illama epdi da”. I found new homes in the Marina Beach, the Lady Andal Auditorium and Cinema Theatres all round the city. I figured out that my relationship with music goes way beyond just another hobby and lead on to change my life. And more importantly, I realised one thing, it’s okay to be sad. Life isn’t going to give you a flower shower to walk on. It is going to be rainy, rocky, windy and getting through this is what is going to help you think like an adult.

And I got to know the most amazing thing of all. The existence of something called flow. The only way to gain control of your life is to get a reminder from your mind every single second that you are in no way control of it. You try taking a path, life’s still going to fuck you in the most beautiful way possible. So all you need to do is surrender to it. It’s going to make your lazy ass take efforts, it is going to give you heartbreaks, you’ll feel like you are breaking down into a million different pieces to become a person you haven’t been. Crunch times which takes us to places we’ve never been before, makes you want to feel alone. Don’t try to change it. Go where it takes you to. Because if you truly believe in what you think, you’ll get back to where you were and what you want to become. Dreams pause, your heart and mind doesn’t. All you need to do is sleep again to dream again…

“Hope is a good thing. May be the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.”

Everything around you will change. Time, Money, fucking Chennai climate (what the fuck happenned to Chennai this year?). Especially, the people you never thought would change. You are going to see alot of it. But all this, doesn’t mean that you also should change. My hero Captain America listened to Sharon Carter say this which changed his life later. “Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is moving ahead in whatever way possible. It is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, to look them in the eye and say, no, you move.” You are your master. Listen to no one but yourself. Everyone others who really respect you will be behind your back. People move out and they come back in search of you on condition that you remain the same. Don’t disappoint them.

மாற்றங்கள் வினா. மாற்றங்களே விடை

– 96.

I didn’t set any goals at the start of this year. Am not really a planning sort of person. I had some temporary issues at the start which went on a roller coaster ride later on. Today, at the fag end of December, my emotional ups and downs haven’t come to an end because I have been comma-ing my way around instead of full stopping. But I am proud about the fact that I am ready to face whatever that comes my path ahead however crappy it is. Let whatever emotions come at me, whoever causes heart ache, but if my mind and heart are straight at something that I believe in, no ass can fuck up my life.

I believe that I am Vishnu Aravind. I live the most amazing life of people who ever lived in this world. I take inspiration from people who believe the same. Be it Steve Jobs or my own mother. My existence in this beautiful city is almost perfect because I do whatever that makes me happy. My parents are proud of the person I’ve become. I have the group of one of the best friends who I could ever get. I’ve learnt more life skills in cinema theatres than classrooms. I smile in concerts, cry in beaches, dance on stages like no one is ever watching. I have air inside my lungs, stuff inside my brains, (often) a mic in my hand, music on my phone. What else do I need? You tell me.

பாதை முடிந்த பிறகும் இந்த உலகில் பயணம் முடிவதில்லையே

– நா. முத்துகுமார்

2019. Let’s do this shit.